Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
