I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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