Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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