I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
