I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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