i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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