Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
