he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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