Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
