You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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