I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
