I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
