i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize