Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
