Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
