I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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