All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
