I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
