In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
