and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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