Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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