So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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