As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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