That's intense
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
