Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
