The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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