I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
