I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
