I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
