In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Say something about gay babies.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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