But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
