okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
