spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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