It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
