just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
