we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
