I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
