There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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