My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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