i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
