My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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