Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We have started to decorate penises.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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