Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
