I wish my penis had an off switch
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
