your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
