The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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