when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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