I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
