Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
