I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
