i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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