just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
