apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
