yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
zippers are such a cool invention
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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