I'd wear matching sweaters with you
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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