So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
