Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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