Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i will never coherently bang her
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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