neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
