On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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