her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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