I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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