Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize