I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
