Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
ttyl tear gas
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
