If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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