My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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