At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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